I was asked recently, "Mrs. Nikki how can sex with penetration (dick) be enjoyable for you if you never have an orgasm?" I was talking to a new male associate recently and told him that I've never orgasmed from penetration before and I've only cum from head aka oral sex about four times. He was shocked, his exact words were "WOW." As if he felt sorry for me. I had to first school him on the basics. 82% of women do not cum from penetration, it has nothing to do with desire, stroke, or know-how, it simply comes down to the anatomy of the female body. What's anatomy got to do with it? Well, the clitoris is where the nerve endings reside, studies show if your clitoral glands and vagina are more than 2.5cm apart, more than likely you will not experience an orgasm from vaginal penetration. Of the 18% that can orgasm from vaginal penetration, I think we should ask them what positions are they doing? Is the clitoris being stimulated at all? For instance, if your partner is banging the pussy while on top, his pubis could definitely be stimulating the clitoris. Some women have a larger clitoris, which could be easier to access, thus making them more sensitive, giving them much easier orgasms. The reality is, all-female bodies and anatomy are different, however ALL NORMAL. If you have a harder time orgasming (like me!) you can always add in stimulants like vibrators, to give your clit the extra stimulation it may need to get you there. Me personally, I have no problem with orgasms - I just use a vibrator 90% of the time. My partners are okay with that, they have no choice because that's what my body needs and desires. No need to feel sorry for me!
However, I do feel sorry for you, and your lack of comprehensive sex education. This is a perfect segway to my next point. Getting the most out of tantra. We have to stop focusing on the orgasm, it is not the end all be all of a sexual encounter. Yes, orgasms are great, reaching that final destination can be rewarding, but it's the END. Sometimes for me, I don't care to ever get to the end especially when the journey feels SO. DAMN. GOOD. Think of it like this, have you ever been on a trip to the islands, this beautiful orgasmic place, and the whole time you're thinking about having to get on a plane and go home to your reality? You can't enjoy this amazing place because your anxiety is taking over. The same thing in sex, you can't be present with your partner when you are constantly thinking about the END.
We have to change our mindset to start focusing and being present on our journeys with our partners. Good sex, good pleasurable sex works in stages. It's connecting, gently touching, foreplay, arousal, then penetration (if you decide to get here, some don't desire penetration and that's OKAY TOO). Why are we rushing to this big explosive ending that will literally only last 20 seconds, and then go away until you chase it again? How is that pleasurable? Why not go at a slow and delicious pace, soak up all the endorphins and serotonin that are being released throughout the journey, connect with your partner's body, and soak in that high for days to come? Allow the orgasm to come naturally and organically if it comes, instead of stopping your breathing to focus on some sort of external factor to force orgasm? I cannot tell you how many clients literally stop breathing, and get into their heads to force themselves to nut. I try to make it clear with clients that if they want a quick nut they need to seek out an Asian massage parlor.
Here at TADOW, we connect, our bodies bond, we do a dance, you get aroused, you soak that shit UP. There is absolutely no expectation other than being present and connecting with your breath and body. Anything other than that you are CHEATING YOURSELF. Not only are you cheating yourself, but you are cheating me too. I typically get just as much out of my tantric sessions as my clients. However, when they are disconnected from their bodies and in their heads the entire time, I can feel that energy, and I shut down. Getting the most out of tantra requires you to be in the present. NO! It ain't easy, but the goal is to at least try when you are spending this type of money for this type of experience.