Well, I have finally had my most unique session to date. Don't get me wrong, I have had some pretty unique, different experiences in my line of work but this has definitely taken the cake. I want to say it's because of the cultural differences and the ways that culture and religion play apart in sexual suppression for many around the world. I grew up with a drinking hippie, and a self-made musician that didn't really put many boundaries on myself and my self-expression. So, anytime I encounter anyone with a significantly different way of thinking than me, it opens my eyes to a new world of possibilities. Thats what (we will call him Patel for the sake of this post - all names and identities are kept confidential) Patel taught me today.
Patel reached out wanting to know if I would partake in any kind of BDSM/ Fetish play. He told me he was getting married soon, and wanted to explore all of these kinky things before tying the knot. I let Patel know that I offer a light Bondassage session, but no full on BDSM/ Fetish play. He decided at the time that there may be someone else out there better suited for him, so he declined my services. Circle back two weeks later, he hit me up again, asking the same exact questions. I had the same answers. But this time, he decided that he would try the light bondage/massage and would let me know if he needed to change anything, or if anything would be uncomfortable for him. I obliged.
When he came in, I noticed that Patel was of Indian decent. I could tell over the phone he was from another country but I couldn't quite put my finger on where. We created some boundaries, and had light convo. I started with light tantric touch, and slowly moved into playing with some sensory objects like ice, floggers, and feathers. He was quick to let me know the flogger was not his cup of tea, and he didn't want me using it anymore. When I would use the ice, he kept saying out-loud how cold it was, which made me feel as though he wanted me to stop, although he wanted me to keep going. Then all of a sudden, he wants to stop the session because none of it is his cup of tea, and he wants to switch to a Tantric Trance session which is done in my front floor pillow room. I obliged.
We move to the front room, where he wants absolutely nothing to do with BDSM. He's now more interested in soft tantric touch. I do the Yab-Yum position. One of the most common Tantra practices is called Yab Yum, or “Father Mother”. Yab Yum leans on the energetic gender polarity of a man and woman. The man sits with his legs crossed (Easy Pose or “Criss-Cross Applesauce”) and the woman sits facing him on his lap with her legs wrapped around his torso and lower back. Together, they represent Shiva and Shakti, the complementary divine masculine and feminine energies. This position is not to be rushed, more like lost in. However, Patel didn't understand that. He was quite forceful in this moment. I always tell clients that the Yab-Yum position guarantees arousal (because it does), and should be taken slowly so you don't try and rush to the end. Patel couldn't control his impulses, he started grabbing me a bit forceful, and totally getting into his head.
I had to stop him, "Patel, this position isn't to be forced, it's a soft, gentle position." He apologized gently, "I'm sorry, I'm a virgin, I've never touched a woman before."
Stop the track! Say whattttt?!
Me: "Well aren't you getting married?"
Me: "Is it an arranged marriage? Have you ever met her (Guessing because he's of Indian decent - Definitely a stereotype)?"
Him: "Yes it is. Yes, only once or twice, but we have never been around each other naked, nor have we ever had sex. This is the first time I have ever been in the room with another woman, naked."
Me: "I see."
Him: "I want to try all these things out before I get into the marriage, all of the kinky things."
In this moment I start to have so much compassion for him, I get more intense and intentional in my closeness within the Yab-Yum position. Because at this point I want him to feel a level of passion and thrill that he's obviously never felt before. He was still a bit forceful (more than I would like in a regular session) but now I know more about his background and where the aggression was coming from I was no longer fearful, more so sad for him (did he want/need my pity? I have no clue). I could feel the years of wanting, needing, and yearning for the feminine energy I was giving him in that moment. I felt years of suppression, and oppression coming to surface, and all I could do was hold him close and cradle him like a big baby.
He referenced watching porn for years. He said he'd been masturbating for 4 years, watching various pornography categories (hence why he wanted to try all the kinky shit.) He desired external prostate massage, and as I did it he said it was taking him to a new level. He absolutely loved it. Then all of a sudden he asked me to pin him up against the wall as if I was pegging him from the back, but not actually inserting anything, basically just grinding my body up against his while smacking his ass at the same time. After about 30 seconds he says, "Nope don't like that." and wanted to go back to the floor. He then asked me if he could worship my armpits. I'm not into fetish shit at my practice, but this man has basically taken full control of this session and I let him... so what the hell?! So he sniffs and rubs his entire face up against my hairy armpits, not to mention I wear vegan deodorant that low key don't work. LOL So you could definitely smell the musk after a long day. He didn't seem to mind it. And oddly enough the armpit worship kinda turned me on. When it came to the lingum massage he was a bit apprehensive about me touching his penis. He didn't like the way I touched it, he was done with the oil and asked me not to use it, and basically wanted to give himself the lingum massage. I obliged.
When he finished he was done with the session, and didn't want anymore touching even though we finished the session 25 minutes early. He asked me what I thought about the session and I told him I could appreciate his willingness to speak up and tell me what he needed and what he wanted to try. I also appreciated how unique and different the session was compared to my many traditional tantric sessions. The fact that he was a virgin, and had so much sexual suppression made it even more enjoyable to me because I was giving this young man many "firsts" that he will cherish and take a long with him throughout his journey. I reminded him how FAKE pornography is, and how it can distort our brains into thinking we may want or like a certain sexual fantasy that in reality we want absolutely nothing to do with. I also reminded him that sex with his soon to be wife is not going to be anything like he sees in the scenes. I told him to make sure he communicates his wants and needs with his partner, and remember to take things slow.
It's amazing to me how much culture, and religion can play such a huge roll in sexual suppression. I understand the thought process behind telling someone to wait until they're married, but I think the delivery is wack. Withholding sex until marriage can definitely protect you from lust, and unnecessary heartbreak. However, when you distort your mind with pornography while you wait that really doesn't help the matter. You will then have such a fucked up view on what sex is, and what it isn't. Not only that, once you finally settle with your partner you may be expecting certain things from them like you see on pornography that they aren't willing or able to deliver. On the contrary sometimes culture/religious norms can make you feel as though modesty is key, and being a freak for your partner is against the rules. So ultimately somebody is left unfulfilled. My personal opinion is that its a set up for FAILURE! Fine, wait until marriage, but these strong cultures/religions should have a better way to give comprehensive sex education throughout that process. We come in the world as sexual beings, we don't just magically become sexual beings when we become teens. It is our birth right to learn and understand sexual anatomy, function, and know-how at an early age. If not, you will end up like Patel. Confused, curious, shameful, overly modest and or aggressive.